
From Net Galley
A songwriter wrestles with instant stardom and his bisexuality in this raw and propulsive novel for fans of If This Gets Out and Alice Oseman’s I Was Born for This.
After one of his songs goes viral, Ollie Cheriet gets the opportunity of a lifetime: a cross-country tour, an album deal, and a chance to help his family with their financial struggles. The only problem? Ollie has major stage fright, a symptom of his anxiety disorder. As pressure from performing, social media rumors, and his romantic life rises, his mental health starts to spiral. So he’s surprised at how grounded he feels when he collaborates with his wildly talented—and distractingly cute—touring partner, Jesse. Music has always helped Ollie through hard times, but he’s going to have to be more vulnerable than he ever thought possible to find self-acceptance in the glow of the spotlight.
Featuring characters from Maya Ameyaw’s acclaimed debut When It All Syncs Up, this story takes readers into the green room, immersing them in the vivid behind-the-scenes world of touring musicians.
Full of soul, authenticity, and the many ways we learn to love ourselves, Under All The Lights is a sensational follow-up to Maya Ameyaw's beautiful debut, When It All Syncs Up! In this story readers are exposed to the shadows of fame and how the journey of healing is in no way linear.
I was immensely privileged to read an earlier draft of Ameyaw's first novel, which follows Aisha as she deals with a strained relationship with her mother, the pressures of perfectionism traditional ballet, racial biases, and more. Going from her narrative to Ollie's, seeing how the characters have changed and how the author's writing has only gotten stronger, is so inspiring as a fellow author. The prose is concise and poignant, so easy to read. It's a refreshing experience, but please be warned that this is an incredibly emotional book.
From the beginning, we are thrown directly into the strained relationship between Ollie and his father. It sets the tone for Ollie's struggles with accepting his own identity throughout the book. Even in scenes where he's not around his family, not being monitored or scrutinized, he's embedded with undeserved shame and pain. This is a strong depiction of the way we are shaped by our parents, their beliefs, and their words. Ollie finds it hard to open up about his deepest pains outside of therapy, to everyone around him, including his girlfriend Aisha.
Music is the one place where Ollie can express himself fully, so when a particularly vulnerable song goes viral his entire world is turned upside down.
We watch him navigate the erratic world of a musician while touring with the charismatic and confident Jesse. Provocative press, demanding expectations from his music label, and invasive fans are just a few of the unexpected issues Ollie's forced to deal with while battling anxiety and trauma-induced panic attacks. But we also watch him realize a dream he never thought he'd see. He gets to perform his music in front of crowds full of people, chanting his name. He gets to reach other young musicians, younger than him, and represent his South Asian identity. He gets to meet and interact with artists he's been inspired by for years.
But Ollie was in a vulnerable place before any of this madness started. Ameyaw addresses his emotional traumas with a depth and sensitivity that helps the reader feel safe. Ollie is not perfect. He makes mistakes in his attempts to get a handle on his emotions and those choices have consequences. And just like every other person who has ever tried to get through extremely difficult situations, his biggest battles are in his mind. Fighting to come to terms with his identity as a bisexual man and a survivor of sexual assault is painful at times and incredibly affirming.
At the end of it all, Ollie might not be exactly where he wants to be--or where the readers expect--but he's started a metamorphosis that will inspire so many people to examine their own identities and pain. Under All The Lights is a heartfelt, honest story about love and hope and the courage it takes to figure out who we are after facing our traumas.
The plot touches on difficult and potentially triggering topics such as "biphobia, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse, racial discrimination, sexism, and mentions physical assault and sexual assault. Several detailed panic attacks are portrayed on page". As a survivor of sexual assault, there are many of Ollie's experiences that I easily relate to. There are also a few moments that might have had an adverse effect on me if I were not in a healthy place mentally and emotionally. Please take caution if any of the above subjects would impact your mental health and reading experience.
I highly recommend this book to all the music lovers, artists, anyone who loves the raw expressions of hope and love, and all the queer babes wrestling with themselves and/or the world.
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